The pick up line is killing me...

i'm not kidding, the pick up line is killing on a million different levels, i avoid it whenever possible..i have been doing it for 8 years now and still don't even understand how it works, it should not be so difficult yet it is a source of serious anxiety...oh you might be confusing me with a hip and cool city person hearing a pick up line at a bar...oh contrare...i am talking about 'the pick-up line' at school.

i got rid of my SUV about a year ago and went the other extreme...small, 2 door, convertible...on the days i need to do a school up up, which i try to limit to once a week...i am a huge fame of the little-yeller-feller...i find myself sandwiched between MLs and GLs....mega land vehicles and the even more so, gargantuan land vehicles...all decked out with stickers and magnets galore so that we all know where any given family vacations, what activities junior is involved with and what schools the family attends...these strolling family dossiers are all over suburbia.

today i found myself in a loaner car - 15K mile service - having to honk like a crazy person to save my life and that of my loaner car's passenger side door...i try to keep a low profile, whisking my kid home with out much interaction so incessantly honking my horn and watching a million heads turn in my direction is not what i was going for...an SVU that was making a new line between the left and right lanes of the official pick up line was being yelled out to pick a line...thus causing the driver to need to back up before moving off to the right...thus jeopardizing my pristine loaner...finally the lines straightened out and everyone had a spot...i was safe now except for the fumes...

you can never count on the pick up line moving at anything other than a snails pace...so unless patience is your first, second and third name, which mine is not, i have to get to school 30 minutes prior to my kid's release in an effort to get in and out and to the appointment...the entire reason behind the pick up....on time! i now have a strategy, which has taken me all these years to perfect....i plan my entire day around the pick up line...i get there about 30 minutes early with my lunch, scout out a legitimate parking spot...which keeps me on the line until i can pull into the parking lot...at which point i try my best to wait patiently while listening to the soothing voices on NPR and enjoy my mixed greens...it all is good until i look out my rear view mirror and notice the line of SUVs that has created  an off shoot pick up line within the parking lot and i start to panic about how i am going to maneuver out of my space without hitting an HSE or GX or a car named for a place in Africa.

its finally time to collect my prodigy...we return to the car giving  a friendly glance to the driver parked directly perpendicular to me thus inhibiting my clean break, thankfully he takes the hint, moves his land machine and off we go...until next weeks pick up line