The Better Offer

We are all intrigued by the prospect of the better offer but why is it better? My son has had a friend since nursery school who was and still is always in search of the better offer. I am simply content to have an offer, any offer...if someone or some group wants to include me i am happy for them to make me an offer...i'm also happy to expand the plan and make someone else an offer.

the question is what are you willing to trade in exchange for the better offer??? loyalty, friendship, trust...what are you looking to achieve...popularity, exposure or self worth??? and what if every offer is better...sometimes rather than accepting the better offer you become the juggler...

one of my roommates in graduate school was the juggler extraordinaire...never able to simply stick to a plan or accept one offer...every Saturday night was a tightrope walk between parties and different circles of friends...not knowing how to say NO she would roam from party to party...thinking that she was so important that she would be missed and wanted to make sure that everyone knew she was included...the juggler misses the substance as they spend their energy running between events to fill the room with their joyful presence.


...but the person in search of the better offer is probably not going for meaningful life long substantive memories...remember when you choose the backyard bash over the bar mitzvah, wedding or christening you will never get an opportunity to participate in those celebrations again...the backyard bash happens every weekend...and in fact if you give the attendees the benefit of the doubt they most likely will know you were invited but had a prior obligation...it might not have been the more enjoyable event or perhaps not the most socially noteworthy gathering but it was meaningful and your presence will be appreciated by your host.

sometimes the better offer is not a dinner plan, fundraiser, birthday party or life celebration but a sports competition...we teach are children to commit to a team...but yet they commit to 3 teams in one season and then every weekend we encourage them to choose the better offer...where will they shine...who else is playing in which event...which sport can they play and also be home in time for the 'it' party...the better offer is always lurking and testing our constitution...make the decision early so you are not forced to accept the better offer half way through the season.

...there are the people who hedge in preparation for the better offer...they make a plan but say 'let's pencil it in' or 'let me check with my husband' - as if he really cares about the plan - and then there are the people who are so blatant they say '...so lets firm up closer to the date' - as if they have any intention of keeping a plan with you!!

When it comes to work we always want the better offer and often use it as a negotiating tactic...the better offer is a walk away alternative that you can use at any point...but when you have dinner plans on Saturday night...which have actually been inked in or sent to you and all the dinner participants as a meeting request and you accepted...you should not even consider accepting the offer that was just sent to you via bbm by an acquaintance who you want to get closer because they will be helpful to your social agenda...they will make the offer again...and if they don't...well really are you not big enough to realize that you are not important to their agenda.


So if you took the better offer this weekend think about the story my son told me on the way home from school...
...He said "mom, i'm in a pickle and i need help, can you help me?" "well i need to know what kind of pickle" i said trying not to laugh at his serious tone. "ummm, well, 3 people asked me to have plans and i kept saying yes, so who do i have plans with?" he asked. "easy, the first person who asked and you said yes to...see if you can include the other boys somehow otherwise tell them you will see them another day." "way to take a bite out of that pickle mom" my son assured me.
Maybe next weekend you will keep your plan, feel good about it and avoid your own pickle...it might be sour!