...on the one hand

funny, we are a 'so on the one hand but on the other hand' kindda generation of parents...we like to see all sides and choose our religion as we see fit...we are non committal and non confrontational while sticking to our guns, which we don't want our kids to play with (read on)......an old friend of mine who is both a rabbi and a ball player turned spiritualist once told me not to be afraid of  not going to temple as every person is their own rabbi... thus i was empowered to rule myself...so self i said "what do i believe in today???" although  i am still trying to answer that on a practical level, on a macro level i feel well advised by my self....but it is on the micro level that i find fascinating both my decisions and those of my fellow suburbanites regarding ourselves and our children....

like many decisions in my kid's lives they were a bit pre-destined due to a rich tradition of doing, going and belong...one of these things was sleep away camp...although i despised sleep away camp...i know, you must be shocked...you should never put that many girls together in a non-military like structured environment if you are expecting anything more than petty behavior with mascara running down sad faces and enough hairspray to attract all the bugs north of Portland Maine!

....none-the-less my kids headed off to an all boys (thankfully) summer camp in the north east...during the spring prior to leaving for the summer i was sitting on the side of a ball field (the site of 75% of poorly behaved parenting outbursts, myself included, especially when another parent yells at my kid who did not make a tag out at home...oh i digress and i am sure that's in another post)...when discussing summer camp with a group of parents...(a suburban parents hot button topic as most believe their child's camp is the preeminent...although i like my kid's camp, and more importantly they love it, i do believe that camps like nursery schools are all within 5 degrees of each other or they would not be in existence for 100+ years)...one mom preceded to get on her soap box about how she would never even consider visiting the camp my boys go to because they have riflery....really, riflery, her decision came down to riflery...amazing since her kid's behavior is feared by 90% of the kids in town and goes unchecked as her little cherub faced angel barrels over other children with verbal bullets, she did not want to send her kid to a camp with riflery...on the one hand lets condemn a camp because of an age old activity that can't hurt anyone without intention while on the other hand let us justify verbal bullets with a patented tag line of  oh you can't control what a 12 year old says

in the world of condemnation, i find it interesting  that on the one had we sit around as parents condemning underage kids who drink, yes alcohol not juice boxes...but we let our kids have Facebook pages where they display images of themselves with alcohol type paraphernalia...we get our bee in a bonnet when our kid is not invited to a party in the fall  but on the other hand we are able to justify the hell out of why another kid did not need to be included at a party in the spring...we bash one parent's choice to let their almost 17 year old drive after nine one year and the next year blatantly let our almost 17 year old routinely drive after nine.

...my friends we are all our own rabbi in the big bad world of parenting...on the one hand lets be honest with ourselves and on the other hand lets be respectful of how our decisions will affect others...and let us not forget the most important rule at hand...you should love, or at least respect your neighbor as yourself...

Choose your words

Okay, so here is the thing...i am not going to apologize for the artistic side of my life...which includes my blog and my fine artwork...they are artist expressions...a rendering of our collective unconscious if you will...often people ask me to create a representation of the "bee in their bonnet" and i am happy to help...problem, sarcasm, humor, throw it in a bowl, add some color, mix...out comes the final product...That said forget the collective unconscious and Jung, i often wish i were just unconscious...things might not bother me as much...and the nagging question is do they bother other people?

...i  often think "is it just me"...but alas not...other people share the same thoughts but are often to concerned about a particular outcome to speak up...speak i must...i just can't help myself but to comment...my rug is not big enough to sweep things under and the mental garbage quickly starts to peculate and becomes unhealthy for me...perhaps this is the year to invest in a men in black type stun gum...one zap and we forget the last 5 seconds of our life...i just don't know how i do it to myself and keep functioning...in my civilian life i apologize often and freely...some mornings i think, god help me not to speak...don't even open my mouth as i am fearful for what might come out

....most mornings I start the day with a couple of phone calls...they set the tone...thankfully they are no longer the "what is johnny doing after his exciting day in the 4's program" or "is sally invited to jane's party after school" just so that i know her kid is invited and mine is not or "can you believe so and so made the travel team"...because as we know those topics could send anyone and especially me into a tizzy! phone calls are getting better with age which makes it easier to control my tongue...a friend checking in on me starts the day off  on a positive foot...someone out there in this big bad uncivilized world cares...often it is one of a handful of friends calling to just check in and offer a friendly hello...other times its my mom wanting to know whats on my agenda...i usually answer with 'work' and then feel bad until she tells me about her plans for bridge, maj jong, canasta (please pronounce with a new york Jewish accent for best results) or her golf game (pronounced with Bedford Lock Jaw circa 1980). If  I make it through those calls with no agitation i am usually ready for a productive day.

I can still find time later in the day to get agitated...put me at a kids sports event, online in the supermarket or worse navigating the pick up line at my kid's school....that will usually do it if nothing else has and good thing that i am in the car and by myself so my tongue can't start flapping around uncontrollably...i just sit and mumble to myself while while listening to classic rewind on satellite radio...i usually start with the conspiracy theory...and work my way backwards to oops...I tend to be great with strangers at the pizza place or sitting in the tutors office...not ulterior motive (at least that i can perceive) and pleasant conversation that leaves you feeling pleased and uplifted...

so if you catch me on a bad day....i totally apologize in advance (although this statement is on the Lake Superior State University's list of words to banish in 2012 so i apologize for using it)...i really only mean about 5% of what i say but i say everything that's on my mind...so have a great year and lets all use our words carefully!