Choose your words

Okay, so here is the thing...i am not going to apologize for the artistic side of my life...which includes my blog and my fine artwork...they are artist expressions...a rendering of our collective unconscious if you will...often people ask me to create a representation of the "bee in their bonnet" and i am happy to help...problem, sarcasm, humor, throw it in a bowl, add some color, mix...out comes the final product...That said forget the collective unconscious and Jung, i often wish i were just unconscious...things might not bother me as much...and the nagging question is do they bother other people?

...i  often think "is it just me"...but alas not...other people share the same thoughts but are often to concerned about a particular outcome to speak up...speak i must...i just can't help myself but to comment...my rug is not big enough to sweep things under and the mental garbage quickly starts to peculate and becomes unhealthy for me...perhaps this is the year to invest in a men in black type stun gum...one zap and we forget the last 5 seconds of our life...i just don't know how i do it to myself and keep functioning...in my civilian life i apologize often and freely...some mornings i think, god help me not to speak...don't even open my mouth as i am fearful for what might come out

....most mornings I start the day with a couple of phone calls...they set the tone...thankfully they are no longer the "what is johnny doing after his exciting day in the 4's program" or "is sally invited to jane's party after school" just so that i know her kid is invited and mine is not or "can you believe so and so made the travel team"...because as we know those topics could send anyone and especially me into a tizzy! phone calls are getting better with age which makes it easier to control my tongue...a friend checking in on me starts the day off  on a positive foot...someone out there in this big bad uncivilized world cares...often it is one of a handful of friends calling to just check in and offer a friendly hello...other times its my mom wanting to know whats on my agenda...i usually answer with 'work' and then feel bad until she tells me about her plans for bridge, maj jong, canasta (please pronounce with a new york Jewish accent for best results) or her golf game (pronounced with Bedford Lock Jaw circa 1980). If  I make it through those calls with no agitation i am usually ready for a productive day.

I can still find time later in the day to get agitated...put me at a kids sports event, online in the supermarket or worse navigating the pick up line at my kid's school....that will usually do it if nothing else has and good thing that i am in the car and by myself so my tongue can't start flapping around uncontrollably...i just sit and mumble to myself while while listening to classic rewind on satellite radio...i usually start with the conspiracy theory...and work my way backwards to oops...I tend to be great with strangers at the pizza place or sitting in the tutors office...not ulterior motive (at least that i can perceive) and pleasant conversation that leaves you feeling pleased and uplifted...

so if you catch me on a bad day....i totally apologize in advance (although this statement is on the Lake Superior State University's list of words to banish in 2012 so i apologize for using it)...i really only mean about 5% of what i say but i say everything that's on my mind...so have a great year and lets all use our words carefully!