Share The INFO People...

when my older son was heading to high school a kind neighbor and friend got me a gift...a book...with a title that i have recreated and distilled down in my mind to (since i currently can't find the book in my house)....All the things that guidance counselors don't tell you and your friends wont tell you....PEOPLE...how do we know if you wont share....its true...i now have a son looking at colleges...and bam...the guidance department is great...but not at my beck and call...and the friends and acquaintance networks...well...you need to beg, plead and steal information from the majority to get any kind of answer and it is usually tied up in some kind of pretzel logic so convoluted  that you don't understand and feel even dumber and more inept after you ask the question...before you were just in the dark...now you are in the dark at a rock concert and naked...completely exposed...the lack of sharing works wonders in one and only one area of parenting and motherhood...that's the pregnancy part...if you told me that no mater what i ate...in my case Mr. Cookieface ice cream sandwiches during one pregnancy and a restricted healthy diet through the other...that i would gain 65 pounds!!!...or that your body starts to develop new odors...hair in new places...terrible indigestion and other gastrointestinal issues...well than no one would ever get pregnant...which would have one good outcome...not having to look at colleges and navigate a series of tests, measurements, GPAs and the application processes...however sharing info on camps, colleges, summer programs, teachers, sports teams tryouts and how the DMV works among other parenting quandaries...well the world would be a kinder gentler place...i have my go to gals...and thank god for them...i try to share...most of the time folks appreciate it...other times...well i am met with a befalling barge of how my information is wrong, untrue and incorrect and i should get my facts straight so i don't totally screw up my kid...yikes...
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pardon the interruption a college admissions office just called...they identified my kid through the PSAT's as a good candidate for their school...the PSAT's folks share...why can't you...be a sport...we all need some help!

PS...if anyone out there and decipher what the actual title of the book is please help us all and post it here so that others can get a copy!!!

really that's your chair....

....really...than if it is your chair why is your nasty ass not in it....why is your name not on it.....why did you just say that's my chair and continue to exchange one up's with your neighbor who you just bumped into...so her kid made the 'A' team and your kid got into the college of his choice and her little Johnny  got the staring role in the school play...and you went to the hottest new vacation spot and she just got into a country club...this is all fascinating and amazing...i could give a rats ass...BUT...you just laid claim to a chair that i had been politely waiting for and yet although your hand is on the back of it your ass is still vertical....my business partner and i took our number...ordered our food...cased the joint for a table for two...came up short by a chair and waited patiently for a vacancy to pull over to our lunch locale...while i had my back to the seating section to say hi to a friend you walked in the door, shimmied yourself between me and the chair i had been waiting for and BAM...it became yours...i actually thought i could explain nicely that we had been waiting for that chair...your response....well i don't see you in it so i guess you are not using it....really....scary part is that you then chatted up a blue streak...looked to your lunch mates for approval of your awful behavior and dragged the chair across the joint...to my absolute horror you pulled your chair up to a table with my Dr's wife who belongs to my fancy ass country club and she sat there idly as you parted me from my seating and thus my lunch...your arrogance was amazing...fascinating...i really wanted to know if you thought what you did was right...or nice...or even justified...but you smugly sashayed away with my seating...hung your decrepit fur coat on the back and made your way to the counter to put in your lunch order....what stopped me from heading right over to your coffee clutch and stealing back the seat...well...i really did not want to stoop to your level...i knew i could blog about it...but frankly it took all my willpower not to walk over to you....stick my chest out and interrogate your for your nasty behavior....what about kindness...treat your neighbor like you would like to be treated...maybe i should pull the chair right out from under you...well i found a table with two chair...mine unfortunately was facing right across to you...i was so distracted wondering if you and your friends really felt okay with what just happened...i was embarrassed i can only imagine what everyone in the store must of thought of you...you one up'd me as well...oh well...so really next time you are looking for a seat, a parking spot or getting into a que (line) think about the other people in your general proximity and consider if in your haste you may have inadvertently skipped a step and gone out of turn...apologize it actually feels good...but if you really needed my chair to make yourself feel better...well you got it!!!

Gratitude or Revenge

Simply put which feels better...and i think the honest answer is both...but revenge is a dirty word and gratitude implies grace and spirituality...but in the end everything we do is to make ourselves feel better...i think gratitude...i enjoy saying please and thank you...and actually i love sending a thank you note and letting people in my life, both strangers and intimates knows that i am thankful for them...i also believe that we protect ourselves and our loved ones and that wrong doers need to be addressed...i think we each need to protect one another...that we need to be on the lookout and have a Jungian approach to kindness...collectively we need to protect...but in a land of sorely lacking manors and desire for pretense we often fall prey to the old adage - keep your friends close but your enemies and those that could become enemies closer...sometimes it is easier to assume sally will be okay but you better pay attention to uber-jane or she wont be your friend and she might seek revenge...send sally a note...let her know that you are grateful...actions are what we have and we have the ability to choose and our choices affect those around us...don't' make excuses out loud or to yourself
 ...we live in a world of options....post subprime, post madoff...post the post we communicate in strange and unique ways which can often lead to confusion...choose your words carefully...words have been distilled to single letters and entire phrases end up as three letters which idk...'f' get substituted for 'p'...numbers show up in place of letters and we must limit our character count to under 200...what communication can be derived from this...yes a quick thank you...9 characters including the space 10 if you add the exclamation point...so how can we actually be honest and communicate how we feel so as to show gratitude, respect and emotion...
revenge is easy...it is  raw and full of emotion and needs as little space as 'thank you' to be communicated...when i think revenge i think of letting someone know that they suck and what they did sucks and so on and so forth of their suckiness...however that person is most likely impervious to your reverse suck attack...if they cared and were civil they would have given some thought to their actions and communications and you would not have been subjected to their sucky behavior in the first place...so what to do...send them a short bbm, im, aim, or ping them...let them know they in fact suck...send a note telling them how you feel...very '70's encounter group style...ignore them...or kill them with kindness...you have options...lots of them...the dispenser of suck type people infact kill others with kindness and have them all tricked up thinking they are nice, good and honest people..they send thank you notes, host you for dinner, send flowers all to hid their toxic behavior...so really there is a pattern and shades of gray...we are all capable of both ends of the spectrum it is how we balance the two that makes us who we are...so perhaps if those who are honest and not full of pretense spread the gratitude...and those who are perpetrators of suck and associated behavior realize it is not all coming to them...that they need to say thank you, be grateful and act accordingly our collective environment would be greatly improved...so consider reaching out...mending a bridge...sticking up for a friend who has been wronged...send a note, share a thought..communicate sooner and you wont need revenge....and if you fall prey to a perpetrator of suck...take pity on them, they are sad people who can't see past their own satisfaction...if you need revenge kill them with kindness...say an extra thank you on their behalf...your gratitude is appreciated.

Civility in suburbia is dead

I dread using this as a title for a post as i think that it is the underlying concept of this blog...so rest assured you will read these words again...that said...suburbia is akin to purgatory...it is the land of betwixt and between and everyone is fighting to to be the king and queen...you live in a city and there is a culture, a hierarchy, activities galore...frankly no one really cares much about you...you walk anonymously through the streets and engage with your friends on over pasta and wine...when you live in a small town...a real small town not a pretend small town in a metropolitan area...but a town where you count on your community...where everyone in town has a job that helps keep the community going...you have a sense of belonging...but in suburbia where you need to stake your claim there are mischievous activities, unscrupulous practices, one-up-man-ships, half truths and other muckraking...i mean really people i invite you to my birthday party...have the good sense to return the favor...but instead you don't invite me...i feel bad...i label you a bitch...but i win because everybody knows that you are mean, insecure and vindictive...they just don't want to be the next one off your list thus they entertain your bad manors and your fake social status...there is no anonymity in suburbia so all the bad behavior is obvious and prime for dissection...you can sit on the side line of any game and listen to the crowd mocking a bar mitzvah invitation, questioning a friends ability to afford certain material items or events, determining the reason that your neighbor is selling their house, deciding which kid should be on this weeks black list and are not cool enough to be invited to a party, discussing why your friend's kid is not worthy of attending a specific college, and the list goes painfully on...but since your kids are sponges what they are saying on the fields and courts are even worse because they don't you have an adult's deceptive skill of concealing their toxic venom inside of a cracker jax box...they brazenly say that they don't want to be friends with someone, they they are not inviting them to a party, that they are short, awkward, have learning issues...but its okay because the blabbers have been told by their parents that it is never their fault, that they lost a game because another child did not play well, that their poor grade on a project was the fault of the other kids working on the assignment, that they did not do as well on a test because other kids have extra time...it usually comes down to mom and dad being insecure...needing to make themselves feel better by putting others down...not the lesson on civility that existed in days long ago...oh yes on occasion you will find a wonderful person who is positive and upbeat...looking to offer the rarely heard praise of a young athlete, scholar or bar mitzvah...and what happens, the naysayers try to figure out if this person is for real or just a put on...you can win however...buck the trend...offer a compliment, speak politely to the folks in the local stores, open the door for someone...even if you have been introduced to someone 5 times and they refuse to acknowledge you, you acknowledge them....teach your kid to be inclusive...you will all feel better...praise the kid who is smarter than your child, a better athlete, artists or has a special talent...say please and thank you...i thank you for reading my blog...putting up with my rantings and hope that we can all find some lessons here that are worthy...stay tuned i think my next post is already percolating...friendship

Your kid has a Facebook...

and you did not know??? Really are you sure you're fit to be a parent??? if your kid has a facebook page as a parent you need to be their personal cyber stalker...you need to monitor their pages, their posts, their status...how is it possible that your kid has an account without you knowing...the computer is not theirs, they don't pay for the connectivity and you know that your kid is mischievous, a bully and you readily admit that you can't control their mouth...so why is it possible that they are on facebook without you knowing...perhaps your nanny knows, since you are too busy getting your hair done, working out, meeting with your decorator and your party planner to be bothered with your child...i know they make a good accessory but really you take better care of the Louis Vuitton bag you bought at the outlet than you do of parenting...its not like they just got the facebook page yesterday...i know we all have more online friends than an average size high school class...but really your kid has 307 friends and as been posting since tishabov...get a backbone, have some discipline, pay attention...your kid is mean and has no business being on facebook, do you need me to poke you or do you realize that this is not a platform for a kid who can hardly make it through  a sports practice or a bus ride without bullying his prey...although do us all a favor keep the page up that way we know what your kid is all about and clearly can tie their behavior to the stellar parenting job you have done to date....consider yourself poked!

sunday should be a day of rest

we all need a day of rest...but there is no such thing for those trying to be the Jones...bunches, buses, bull...why do it when it will be detrimental to your future and that of your kids...i mean really everyone is talking about you yes...but mocking you, making fun, horrified and you should be mortified...give it a rest, no one really cares, maybe if you were a nice genuine person folks would get it but you are shallow and don't know when to stop...so here is some advise, look in the mirror, realize you faults and take a break...its sunday!!!

so whats your theme???

first off let me say "its the category not the brand" - living in a metro area with lots of families having bar and bat mitzvahs for their delicious off spring you hear during 'your year' -  'so what's your theme?' Your year, year theme...no mention of obnoxious little John  or spoiled Sally...they are the accessory that enables you to through a lavish party for $250K when unemployment is at a. high and you have rented furniture in your living room. Your kid is a sports phenom, or a talented actor or really into magic...thus the theme that you toss to your party planner to coordinate a well orchestrated event at a venue that no one else 'your year' is using and wallah you have a bar/bat mitzvah...oopppssss...i forget isn't the bar/bat mitzvah a religious ceremony that is supposed to take place in temple and don't you live in a secular community so the celebration is really a trumped up reason to try to impress your friends or keep up with pretense...first get a job, second get some furniture and third get a life and if all else fails have a party so that your can invite your friends and thus ensure that you have plans every weekend during your year so that you don't have to have people come to your house, site on rented furniture and feed them since you don't have a steady income...but we all thank you for doing your part to help the economy and giving bloggers such as myself fodder for perpetuating the myth that these are not tough times...but a little humility would be gracious...oh yeah i forgot money can't buy class...so enjoy the party but don't listen to hard because your friends will be talking about you.